Disclaimer: The views, positions, and recommendations expressed in this article are based on my personal experiences and independent research. They are solely my own and do not necessarily reflect the views, policies, or positions of the American Chronic Pain Association (ACPA).
I’ve lived with chronic pain for 37 years. It’s not just one kind of pain in one place. I have pain in my back, hip, groin, and abdomen. I’ve had three kinds of cancer. Arthritis. A few heart attacks. And like a lot of people in my situation, I’ve had to learn how to carry all of it—not just in my body, but into every medical appointment.
I wish I could say doctors always listen when I try to explain what’s going on. But they don’t.
Sometimes, the moment I say, “It’s not just my back—it’s also my hip and groin, and here’s how it all connects,” I can see the change. Their body language shifts. They stop making eye contact. They start typing. The visit becomes about moving me along, not understanding what I live with.
I’ve had providers completely shut down because the story didn’t fit what they were expecting—or what they thought they had time for. And when you’re in pain, vulnerable, and just trying to be heard, that kind of dismissal doesn’t just hurt—it takes something out of you.
It took me years to stop thinking it was my fault. That I was too complicated. That I was saying it wrong. That maybe I just needed to simplify what couldn’t be simplified.
But the truth is, it’s not wrong to have more than one pain source. It’s not wrong to expect your doctor to take you seriously. And it’s not wrong to want to be treated as a person, not a puzzle.
What I’ve learned—and I’m still learning—is that you have to advocate for yourself even when you’re tired of doing it. You learn to lead with what’s hurting the most. You write things down before the appointment. You bring someone with you if you can. And sometimes, you just quietly decide: this isn’t the right doctor for me.
Living with chronic pain is hard enough. Explaining it shouldn’t be harder.
So to anyone else who’s been shut down in the exam room, I see you. Keep telling your story. Keep showing up, even if your voice shakes. And remember: You are not too much. You are not your pain. And you are not alone.
With gratitude for the support of ChatGPT