Stories, Struggles, and Hope
For 27 years, I have facilitated chronic pain support groups, creating spaces where individuals can find connection, understanding, friendship, support, and hope. Chronic pain impacts every facet of life—physical, emotional, and social—and these groups serve as a refuge where people can share their experiences without fear of judgment.
My journey into this work began after I was medically retired from the United States Air Force. Marianne and I were searching for a doctor or clinic to help manage my pain, which stemmed from treatment for testicular cancer. We eventually found an in-hospital pain management program, and it was there that I first learned about the American Chronic Pain Association (ACPA).
I joined the ACPA immediately and have never regretted it. Being part of a chronic pain support group for the first time was transformative—it gave me a sense of community and tools to navigate my pain. Before long, I transitioned from member to facilitator, driven by a desire to help others find the same understanding and hope I had discovered.
I currently run three groups via Zoom and telephone: the Core Group, the Young Adults Group, and the “Living with Chronic Pain” group through Well Connected. These groups are advertised through MeetUp, making them accessible to people seeking support. Each group is unique in its focus, but all share the same goal: providing a safe and compassionate space for those navigating life with chronic pain.
This work would not be possible without the unwavering love and support of my wife and partner, Marianne. Her encouragement, patience, and belief in me have sustained my efforts through the toughest times. She has been my anchor, reminding me of my strength when I doubted myself and offering her love as a constant source of comfort and motivation.
A Safe Space for Healing
Chronic pain can be isolating, leaving people feeling misunderstood even by those closest to them. In our groups, there’s no need to explain or defend your pain—it’s a shared reality that binds us together.
The groups offer a sanctuary where members can express themselves freely, whether that means sharing their struggles, celebrating minor victories, or simply listening. The space is built on trust, confidentiality, and mutual respect, ensuring that everyone feels valued and understood.
These groups are not mandatory; people join when they feel the need for connection, friendship, support, or understanding. For some, they become a lifeline, for others, a temporary stop on their journey. Either way, the door is always open.
The ACPA and the Ten Steps for Living with Chronic Pain
The American Chronic Pain Association (ACPA) was founded in 1980 by Penney Cowan, who understood the challenges of chronic pain firsthand. Her vision was to create a community where people could share their experiences, access resources, and learn practical strategies to reclaim their lives.
The ACPA’s Ten Steps for Living with Chronic Pain are central to my facilitation work. These steps offer a roadmap to help people move from merely surviving to living a life of quality:
Accept the Pain: Acknowledge it, but don’t let it define your life.
Get Involved: Engage in meaningful and fulfilling activities.
Set Priorities: Focus on what matters most.
Set Realistic Goals: Celebrate small victories; they matter.
Know Your Basic Rights: Advocate for your needs and boundaries.
Recognize Emotions: Understand and process the emotional toll of pain.
Learn to Relax: Incorporate techniques like meditation or mindfulness to reduce stress.
Exercise: Move your body in ways that are gentle and appropriate.
See the Total Picture: Pain is part of your life but not the whole story.
Reach Out: Build a support system and lean on it when needed.
These steps provided me with invaluable guidance when I first joined the ACPA, and they continue to inspire the work I do as a facilitator.
The Joys of Facilitating
Fostering Connection and Friendship
One of the greatest joys of this work is the relationships it fosters. Over the years, I’ve built deep friendships with group members whose journeys have inspired and strengthened me. These connections remind me that no one must face chronic pain alone.
Witnessing Transformation
The most rewarding moments are when I see members thrive. It’s incredible to watch someone who arrives feeling hopeless slowly regain their confidence and start rediscovering their passions. These transformations, however small they may seem, are profound victories.
The Challenges of Facilitating
Balancing Negativity and Hope
Chronic pain often brings frustration, anger, and hopelessness. While these emotions are valid, they can overshadow discussions if not carefully managed. My role is to provide space for these feelings while gently guiding conversations toward solutions and hope.
Addressing the Full Scope of Pain
Pain doesn’t exist in isolation—it affects relationships, finances, mental health, and more. Helping members address this complex web of challenges is demanding but essential. By encouraging small, manageable steps, I help people feel less overwhelmed and more empowered.
Motivating Without Directing
My goal as a facilitator isn’t to tell people what to do but to guide and empower them.
Offering Suggestions and Leading by Example
I share my own experiences and those of others in the group, offering suggestions without imposing solutions. For instance, I might say, “Some people have found this helpful,” or, “Here’s what worked for me.” This approach empowers members to make their own decisions and take control of their journey.
Helping Members Advocate for Themselves
Navigating the healthcare system is one of the hardest parts of living with chronic pain. In our groups, we discuss strategies like preparing questions for doctor’s appointments, tracking symptoms, and confidently communicating needs. These tools help members feel more prepared and in control of their care.
Why I Keep Going
This work has become a vital part of my life. Chronic pain can feel overwhelming, but I’ve seen how these groups can help people find hope, connection, and resilience.
I couldn’t do this without Marianne. Her love has been my constant, her belief in me unwavering. Through every challenge—my own health struggles, the demands of facilitating, and the emotional weight of this work—she has stood by my side, reminding me that together, we can face anything.
These groups aren’t just about managing pain—they’re about building lives of quality, even in the face of hardship. They remind me, and everyone who participates, that while chronic pain shapes our stories, it doesn’t have to define them. Together, we can find strength, joy, and a path forward.
(Edited with the help of ChatGPT 4.0)